paul henry:

going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug

well paul, you’d know

the new giraffe at auckland zoo looks most like:

a) a muppet

b) dave dobyn

c) a muppet dave dobyn

d) yoda

Rukiya and the calf seem to be doing well, but the three-hour labour was a little bit longer than normal, so she’s going to be pretty tired.

longer than normal

seriously

get me the number of the lady that does the auckland zoo’s press releases

on the way to the tryathlon i was giving hannah advice from the nick wealleans school of parenting,  if you dont win, we’re leaving you there

to prepare for a hot day in the sun with THOUSANDS of people, & no seating or shade, i had a few beers on saturday night. luckily my first wife carries panadol everywhere, and at all times

i think the event is a bit too big. they need to split it in to two prize givings, and two transition areas. otherwise it was pretty well organised.

having said that, i dont like waiting. and i dont like waiting in the sun. and i dont like waiting in the sun with 1000 ugly kids and their ugly parents. and i dont like weetbix-guy.

evers-swindell though, well she was a bit of a treat

she actually asked if she could borrow my tractor some time. and i said look evers-swindell, youre a married woman.., and heres my card

most fridays i go to brents house for beers

its a bit of a treat

wiki says international womens day isnt observed in new zealand

and fair a bloody nuff too

we’ve come a long way baby

heres a guy being chivalrous

and a girl saying no thanks, ive got it

im going down
to be by myself
im going back
for the good of my health

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPPP3BXurHk

“sounds familiar”

“the good ones always do”

or something like that

its about new songs

and its off of crazy heart

pokerface sounded familiar

and SO does this new nz song

their first song my house was total pies

but this one sounds familiar

heres the video teaser

and heres the full audio

maybe theyve already sold out to glassons or max or someone like that

cos damn its sounds familiar

its muse meets underworld meets mgmt meets empire of the sun meets 80s synth

someone needs to email someone at glassons marketing

can you picture semi clad glassons models moving in slow motion to this song?

yes

yes you can

oliver driver on lada gagas outfits:

she should just turn up with a couch on her head

well oliver, we at infinitelytrue think youre absolutely right, so here we go… get fapping

lets assume, for the sake of argument, that i got drunk about 340 days last year

then surely, it would follow, that if i halved that this year, i would lose some weight

beer is high in carbs you know.  its high in carbs like carbs are high in carbs.

youre pretty much just drinking sugar

so halving those carbs should make me smaller

smaller than the 112kgs i haul around with me each day

but

ive replaced every-other-beer-day with cheezels-and-chocolate-day

so theres your answer right there

hypothetically

8 more reasons why this ISNT madeleine whatshername

1. do you know how hard it is to get through customs at the best of times

2. let alone at least four sets of customs

3. all on the look out for a 4 year old british girl with a leaky iris

4. south dunedin? really? youd move from the mediterranean to south fucking dunedin?

5. if youre going to steal a kid for the purposes of kiddiefiddling,  9 times out of 10 youre going to have to kill the kid, and if somehow everyone in the world is looking for her, then make that 10 times out of 10

6. so the kids dead

7. apple and google have been in bed together, for like ever

8. and there was a single shooter